Better or More Interesting versions of “Twilight”

Yeah, that’s right. I’m returning to my most successful format of mocking books that sell a lot more money then I will ever make with Victorian noir-thrillers in the style of David Lynch (serious career move there). And this time, I’m taking on that greastest of recent fads, Twilight. Let the attacks from pre-teen girls begin.

  • Woody Allen, two words. Court order.
  • Rocky & Bullwinkle, I have no idea what this would be like, but it would be awesome and in the name of all that is Holy it should be made.
  • Samuel Beckett, Bella Swan goes to wherever it is Bella Swan goes and waits for something to happen. TWICE!
  • J.D. Salinger, Edward Cullen whines about how all the other vampires are sparkly phonies.
  • Grant Morrison, I’m going to have to get back to you on that. Thankfully, I will be meeting some aliens while hallucinating in Kathmandu and hopefully they will have the answer.
  • Alan Moore, Alan Moore would probably not write a version of Twilight. For one thing, if someone where to get Alan Moore to write a version of Twilight, which would be all but impossible, but he would change it so much, it would not even be recognizable as Twilight. Comparatively, the aura of Awesomeness that radiates from Alan Moore’s body would probably destroy any copy of Twilight or any Twilight related material by being in Alan Moore’s presence. Because of this, Alan Moore has probably never heard of Twilight. It’s also a good thing Alan Moore and Stephanie Meyer will never meet, because the resulting explosion would cause the Day of Judgment, and Babalon shall lay with the Beast and we will know the fruits of Her Fornication.

There, hope you enjoyed that. I’d like to thank my WATSFIC brother Vinay, who have me most of the ideas for this. He also inspired me to start doing stylist parodies, which I should probably get around to doing.

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2 Comments

  1. Sherry said,

    January 30, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Leaving this comment here…for the lame reason that you mentioned Salinger in this post. But also because, Salinger didn’t write to make money (a recurring theme on your blog).

    Thought you might enjoy this:
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/books/salinger-gave-us-the-gospel-of-holden/article1448638/

  2. January 31, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you Sherry,

    A lot of the authors mentioned here can’t really be said to have written for money though.


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